I have a lot of requests received lately about how to discipline young people. It is an interesting topic and one that bears examination. I think the majority of the problem lies in how one identifies the problem. There are three important considerations.
When children enter the teen year, the development of separation and individuation, that is, they try to establish themselves as independent of their parents, in particular, and in some cases, society in general. WhenThis starts to come, the parents often label it rebellion, if it is simply a teenager trying to do what is necessary for his psychological development. If this is the case, relax. It will not last forever.
Think about it. Every generation has its way of separation from the status quo. When I was young, had long hair, boys and girls wore miniskirts. In my son's generation, it was piercing. He went to school and had pierced his tongue and nipples. Guess what? He is25 now, and outgrown by the time he was 22 years old. There are no signs of the piercing phase.
Second, there is a problem, I call the definition of the problem. Sometimes young people develop attitudes parents know, are not in their best interest, such as isolation in her room, not cleaning their room, not working up to potential for school work, or any other number of things. The parents are usually very excited about these behaviors because they believe they are not doing a good job of raising childrenunless they can get their children to see the error of their ways and change their behavior.
Who do you think most of these situations bother you or your child? It is almost clear, YOU! If you are most bothered by the problem, then guess what? You own it. It's your problem, not your child. Yes, you can have your child make some short-term decisions that may ultimately affect his life but later, he or she is perfectly satisfied with them. As a parent, you have to do in thisSituation, you provide your child with information about your concerns. Let him or her know what you are worried about then stop talking. Allow your child to take his or her own decisions. Soon, at the age of 18, he or she is legally an adult, are capable of all the decisions without your permission. Give your child some practice now and not get in the way of the consequences.
If your child's behavior results in an F on the certificate or, worse still, not a verdict, it should be. Young people must learn tohow their decisions affect what happens to them in a way that individual responsibility and self-discipline, because if you're not here teaches.
Third is another aspect of the definition of the problem. This often happens when parents see in their behavior, the young people they dislike. When this happens, the parents look at the behavior as a problem, when in reality it is only a symptom of an underlying unmet needs for your child. If all what you do, the behavior is punished, without the unmet need, then you willChild will either continue the behavior or find new, perhaps even worse, require in their efforts to achieve this.
What should parents do in this situation is the great relationship you have with your child about what is bothering him or talk to use. The behavior itself is not a problem to go out. The behavior is really your indication that your child something he needs or not they can figure out, like every other way. Take time to find out what your child needs andhelp him or her find a better way to get it. Consider means to the Latin root of discipline "to teach," do not punish.
